You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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