I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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