Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
