DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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