i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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