So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
