I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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