I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
