Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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