If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
