Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
