As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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