you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
