He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
