how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
