Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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