he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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