He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
