the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
