Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
