I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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