Where is the hickey?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
