i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
