Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize