Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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