I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize