I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
