i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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