The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
