i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
