omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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