idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
