I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
