i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
