I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Holy shit dude........stairs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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