Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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