You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
