This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
