i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
