We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I currently don't understand fingers.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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