i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
