I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
