return my video game
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
