I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
smell my finger.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
