my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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