Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
