Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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