She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
