at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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