dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
