how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
