Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
