she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
