Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
