At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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