we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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