I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize