my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
