Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize