I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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