My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just pee around me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
