I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i think my cat just said my name.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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