Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
too bad you live with your parents still
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
