I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
