Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize