Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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