I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I believe in your delicious
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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