we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
