And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
