Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
