i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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