I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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