Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
