the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
