On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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