This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
