I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
