Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
