Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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