I looked at my own cervix.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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