the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
