I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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