Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
