I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
