He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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