I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
