After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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