I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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