I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
