i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
