How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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