and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
