Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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