I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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