1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
