I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize