Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize