capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
