i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
