they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
