Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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