My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
