Can i not drive my cunt home
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
