i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize