clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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