Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
