you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
