The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
