Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
