And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
