you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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