You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
