Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
