I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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