he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
